The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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