I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
