then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize