I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
