remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
