i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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