she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize