Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
