Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
