when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
