Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
