No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
