She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
