We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
