You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize