Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
