I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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