God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
