I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
