I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
