I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
