nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
