I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
me + whiskey = a bad person
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
