I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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