I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
foreskin is a definite game changer
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
