What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
