Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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