I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
