I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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