The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
