How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize