i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
did you just send me my own nude
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
