yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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