He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
