fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
