After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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