ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
