Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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