just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
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