That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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