wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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