so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize