Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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