Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
