so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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