just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
