I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
