you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
