Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
