Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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