I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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