jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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