im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
