so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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