that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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