Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We need to get me chipped asap
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize