I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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