Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
