I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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