fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
