Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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