So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
